I survived the semester!

After  my last post you probably all thought I would lose my marbles before the semester was over...I am happy to report that finals are OVER and I am happily enjoying my Christmas break. Only one semester of school to go!!! Once I got all of my ducks in a row, I actually really enjoyed my classes and I feel that I learned some really good things to apply to my practice as a nurse!

I figured I should do better at journaling our journey through infertility because one day I may want to remember all that we went through to bring another child into our family. The one question that everyone always asks is if we would consider adoption. The answer is YES, however, we know it isn't the right direction for us to go right now. We actually looked into adoption a few months ago and researched quite a few avenues but we were clearly told in multiple priesthood blessings that we will be able to get pregnant to bring another child into this world so now we are left with trying to wade through medical mayhem to decide which routes we need to travel.

Since having my surgery in May, we have continued trying to conceive. This includes expensive ovulation and pregnancy tests, tracking EVERYTHING and making sure we are both in the same place at the right time =)

Back in October I was started on my second fertility drug, Femara. Femara is primarily used for breast cancer but it is also used off label to increase ovulation. Since being on the Femara, I have been seeing my gyno once a month for follicle checks to ensure that it is working. Through this, we have found that I am not ovulating every month which of course doesn't help the whole trying to get pregnant process!

Last month, we found that my right ovary was again tied down with scar tissue and endometriosis and is back behind my uterus where it was before my last surgery. At first, this news was upsetting because it has mainly been my right ovary that has been ovulating BUT then my Doctor decided it might be a good things because he is hoping my right ovary will ovulate behind everything and that my left fallopian tube will be able to grab and implant the egg BECAUSE my right fallopian tube is partially clogged with endometriomas and I am at a high risk for an ectopic pregnancy if I implant on the right side.

Clear as mud??

So this month I went back this past week for another follicle check and received more bad news. The Doctor couldn't even find my left ovary. It is completely consumed by a mass the size of an orange. He believes this mass is either a hemorrhagic ovarian cyst or ANOTHER endometrioma has formed already! We are hoping it is a cyst because, though it is painful, it can be caused by the Femora and may go away on its own without any further complications. An endometrioma being that large means we are looking at surgery yet AGAIN. I go back for another ultrasound in a couple of weeks to find out what the mass is.

So that's where we are at as of right now. One of the blessings Skylar gave me when I was sick with a horrible migraine last month from taking my Femora stated that I need to be patient and that we will get pregnant "in due time". Let's be honest, I am one of the least patient people on the face of the earth but I guess these things happen in God's time and not in ours so for now we will just keep plugging along.

Stetson has continued to grow like a weed. He is in first grade and he is doing well! We are so proud of his accomplishments! He is doing really well with reading and he is at the top of his class in math. I love to see him learn new things and the bright smile on his face when the light bulb goes off and he learns something new!

Now for some fun pictures and uplifting news! These are all from my trip to New York in October. Of course, we went to Wicked on Broadway and it was AMAZING!!

 I think there were more people dressed up as characters in Time Square than at Disneyland!! Of course they attacked us tourists so we could get some fun pictures and they could get some tips! It's not secret how much I love Hello Kitty and Minnie Mouse so of course I loved this picture!

 Gosh Dangit! I can't figure out how to rotate pictures with the new blog settings...can someone help me?? This is obviously the Statue of Liberty! We took a ferry out on the water and saw many sights including Lady Liberty. Unfortunately the entire thing was closed for renovation so we weren't able to go inside but just seeing it in person was pretty amazing.

 Time Square! We stayed at the Penn Club which was within walking distance of anything and everything and there was always something happening in Time Square!

 Yep, we saw the Naked Cowboy. Even in October he was out there singing and dancing in his tightie whities!

 One of the new Freedom Towers (the new Twin Towers). I got some really amazing pictures of these but unfortunately many of them are going the other direction and will post SIDEWAYS on here so I am leaving them off.

 

 The 9/11 Memorial. Breathtaking. Somber. Beautiful. A must see if you go to New York! There are two of these pools and they are built where the Twin towers stood.

 The names of all lives lost in the 9/11 attack are written around the pools. There are not words to describe how it feels to visit these grounds.

 This was the three of us goofing off after the Benefit Gala. There was a professional photographer at the Gala so I didn't take out my camera at all but hopefully I will get copies of some of those pictures and will post them if I can. After the Gala, we decided to visit the Empire State Building because it was open until 1 AM. The view from the Empire State Building is AMAZING. It makes you feel so small and insignificant.

 Beautiful Katie and Kayla...

 Katie and Kayla at the top of the Empire State Building.

Well, I think that's enough for now. Hopefully I will post Pine Valley and Halloween pics soon!

Overwhelmed and checked out

I know I am not alone but right now I feel a little overwhelmed with life lately. Luckily I have my religion, my family, my friends, my ward, my coworkers etc to help keep me "checked in" to life. This isn't the first time I've felt overwhelmed by school but I swear this semester is going to be the one that does me in! The sad thing is I only have 11 credits (which is a lot but I've had more before) and the classes aren't even that hard but they all add one more thing to my overflowing plate! On top of working full time and being a full time student, I don't have enough time for "me" anymore and that's when people start to break! I can't even remember the last bubble bath I've had and that's my favorite past time! Oh and my "pleasure reading" all consists of hard cover 45,000 thousand paged textbooks. Oh what joy they bring! Insert gag face here.

I am also volunteering at Stetson's school one morning a week but I love it. It's so fun to get to go there and spend time with my little man and get to see him in an entirely different environment and to see him interacting with his friends. He's at that age (which I hope passes!) where he's embarrassed of his mother but I enjoy going anyways.

For so long I was set on being done with school as soon as I graduated from the RN program. I was dead set that that was IT! Well, that graduation was last December and here I am...still in school! Weber State made some changes to their BSN program (bachelor's in the science of nursing) and my RN class was the first class that would be able to enter into the BSN program directly from the RN program without going through the entire application process. Nursing is very competitive so naturally I accepted my spot and decided trudging ahead now was much better than waiting in line down the road. Luckily it's only 3 semesters long and I have 1.5 behind me with only 1.5 more to go!

I made the decsion to start the BSN program the really mature way...because my friends did it! My friend MaRee is a rock in my life. She was there with me through the LPN program, the RN program and of course now the BSN program so there was no way I was going to pass up the chance to do the program along with her and she was dead set on doing it so now here we are. She will graduate in December but I took the slower route and won't graduate until May 2013. Inset sad face here! Sheis only one example of the amazing friends I am surrounded by. I don't take one uplifting e-mail, text message or hug for granted. I love them all!

Anyways, I decided on my own to do this program and be stuck in school another year and a half of my life. However, during one of the many priesthood blessings Skylar was giving me over this past year and a half over intertility and surgery issues it was clearly stated that it was important that I finish this schooling. THAT is why I think I am feeling so checked out and defeated right now...I am sure the advesary is working against my trudging along because quitting is so much easier. I don't consider myself a quitter at anything in life. I am much too stubborn to throw in the towel and April will be here before I know it so for now I am taking it one day at a time and remembering what's really important in life and what has to give for now.

As for some good news...I am going to New York next month for a work charity event and I can't wait!! I'm meeting with my two NYC girlies going with me tomorrow so we can purchase our broadway Wicked tickets! We are also going to the Statue of Liberty...I am so excited and I cannot wait to see the big city! I love to travel and New York is one place I am dying to see!

One of the reasons I don't blog much lately (besides no time whatsoever) is because my camera has had over 1,000 pictures on it needing to be developed and it takes soooo long to upload anything so I just don't do it. Okay so I am apparently a quitter when it comes to that. However, I am happy to report that stood at Wal Mart for over 2 hours last week and developed 500 of those pictures and then deleted them all from my camera. One trip down and one more to go. THEN my camera uploading will be much quicker and hopefully I will have new pics to show!

Although life is stressful at times, I am so grateful to have the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in my life. I am so blessed to have the priesthood in my home and to be able to depend on it for guidance and strength. I am so thankful for my wonderful husband whom I love dearly. He is always my solid rock and the person that guides me through life on a daily basis. He is so supportive of my hectic life and more understanding than I could ever ask for. He is a wonderful father and great at helping out with Stetson when I need to shut myself in a room and study.

If you think right now I am killing time blogging for no good reason...you are only half right. I also have a movie playing on another screen which is over 2 hours long...for a paper I am writing tomorrow night. Multitasking is a must in my life.

In addition to Skylar, I am surrounded my many other family members who are so supportive of me. Thought we continue to struggle with infertility, our testimonies were again strengthened recently when we were again told there is another child waiting to come to our family. See what I mean about the importance of the priesthood in my life? It's vital to my mental well being. I am so grateful for those family members and for their testimonies in which I find so much strength. This world we live in isn't easy and it's going to get a lot harder. It's so important to know who you are and to always stand for what you believe in. Sometimes this stance isn't easy and feelings may get hurt in the process but it's important to always be true to yourself.

On another high note, we went to Boise a couple of weekends ago to see my brother Cody and his family. We had an amazing time...those pictures are for sure to follow! Cody is another rock in my life. He is such a good big brother and always looks out for my wellbeing. Him and I stayed up til 2 AM talking and it was great to talk about the "good ole days"! He and I are 12 years apart in age but we have a good bond and a great relationship now and I am so grateful to have him in my life...plus his lovely wife and 4 amazingly cute kiddos! I wish they lived closer but thanks to technology and transportation it's not that far away really. That little mini staycation help revitalize me so I guess it's time to rock and roll for another crazy period of my life.

Wow...that was a lot but I feel like I got a load off my chest and can go to bed now and actually sleep. Thanks for listening and remember...."You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own.
And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go.”- Dr Seuss

Slivers....such a pain in the...foot!

These pics are from a while back but I never did post them on here! One unfortunate part of Summer seems to be SLIVERS! I always make Stetson put shoes on when he goes outside but I've already lost count of how many slivers he has had in his hands and feet this year and Summer just started. I guess that's part of being a boy...climbing on anything and everything you can get your hands, or feet, on! After pulling out another sliver last night and another one yet again today, I thought of these pictures and decided I should post them to give you all a good laugh! How many grown men does it take to hold down a 5 year old boy to remove slivers from the bottom of his feet.....?

 THREE! Three is the answer...it took 3 grown men to get the job done. As you can see, Stetson wasn't too thrilled about the entire process but all slivers were successfully removed and he was recovered by later that night (pictured below). I guess that traumatizing experience was no match for a bubble bath and a clean pair of PJs to make him feel better! Such a trooper!

My Veggie Monster!

Stetson is known for his crazy food combinations but at the end of the day I can't complain because this kid will try anything that I put in front of him and he usually loves it. He also LOVES the same foods as his mommy which makes me very very happy.... We LOVE LOVE LOVE brussel sprouts and shrimp!!

 See that face? He's loving him some brussel sprouts!

Love this kid. Lots.

Hey look, I am finally blogging again!

So much has happened since I last blogged that I thought I should sit down a share it all with you! I had surgery on May 1 and had my endometriosis and scar tissue removed (again), cysts removed and my appendix out! All things considered, I am feeling pretty good now and ready to get back into the groove of life! My endometriosis will like continue to grow back again so hopefully we will be able to get pregnant before that happens. Say a prayer for us!!

We have had some good things happening too! Stetson has been doing great in school and is in the top of his class in all subjects and we couldn't be prouder of our little man! He continues to be such a blessing in our home and our family and brings us many smiles every day! He is playing soccer right now and Grandpa Roly is his coach. Our nephews Timber and Bryce are also on the team and Stets has really been loving it though he can't stay focused the entire game and usually ends up picking grass on the field at some point. He has also taken an interest in gymnastics after I have taken him to some local classes that have been opened up to the public so we are planning on putting him in gymnastics for the Summer as well as swimming lessons like he does every year at SARC. I am so excited for his school to be out for the Summer so we have more time to do fun things together as a family. My school ended last month and I am also off for the Summer so it's time for the fun to begin!!

We have been down to Star Valley a couple times this past Winter to stay with Gil and Rhonda whom we miss having live just down the road from us!! 

 Stetson and Tayson always have a ball playing together. This trip was in November and the boys played all day long outside in the snow and loved every  minute of it.

 Yes, this is a glittery heart tattoo on his forehead...don't ask!

 Sledding while being pulled behind a snowmobile or "snow machine" as the crazy Wyoming people say!

 My soccer star! He scored 3 goals during this game and he was so proud of himself! Way to go Stets!

 Skylar coached this game...he doesn't quite have the patience for this age group though =)

 This pic is from our recent trip to Star Valley in March for the opening weekend of the Hunger Games movie!! I love my Rhonda =) I was really sick this weekend but we made the best of it anyway and I was glad we went ahead and went instead of staying home because seeing the Hunger Games wouldn't have been the same without Rhonda there to watch it with!! Like our t-shirts for the premiere?

 I got so spoiled after my surgery and came home to all of these flowers, treats and gifts plus around the clock nursing care courtesy of my sister Annilee and Rhonda. I am a lucky girl to have so many caring friends and family members!

 Well it's time for me to go pick Stetson up from school now so I am signing off but I will try to make it back before another 4 months go by and hopefully soon I will have baby news to share!

I never would have thought

I never would have thought that at 26 years old I would still be a college student...a full time college student nonetheless! It's easy to point out the fact that I should have completed RN schooling before now. It's harder to remember that along the way I have also become a wife of 7 years and a mom to my beautiful 5 year old son; both milestones which were much more important than school. I have worked very hard to get through school and to be able to have a life for us on the side as well. If I wouldn't have worked in addition to going to school...I would have likely been done sooner but we may not have many of the blessings that we do have such as our beautiful home my husband built for our family. I also would have be graduating with more debt if I had worked less and finished school sooner. It feels like I have taken the long route to get to where I am at but I am glad that I did. I feel very stressed right now with my RN boards right around the corner and overwhelmed being in my first semester of the BSN program currently...there is so much going on in life right now that I have to remind myself to slow down and enjoy what really matters in this life.

The day Stetson entered our lives our world changed immensely. I knew we would love that little bundle of joy growing inside my belly but I had never imagined just how profound that love would be. I never would have thought that 5 years later he would still be an only child. It's easy to see what others have in life and to feel the void of what you don't or can't have but that's not the point of this life. I don't know when we will be able to add to our family but I know that one day we will and that it will happen when it's meant to happen. The Man upstairs is far wiser than us and will bless us with a new addition when the time is right.

Sometimes I wonder when Stetson will ask questions about why he is so much older than his siblings, but who knows? I am the baby in my family with the next sibling being 7 years older than me and I turned out okay. Maybe 7 will be our lucky number too (though hopefully not!). I know that regardless of the age gap, Stets came into our lives when he was meant to. He is such a big help to me and such a sweet spirit! I couldn't ask for a better kid to have! He tells me how beautiful I am almost daily, and though he doesn't cuddle for long periods of time, he is always eager to give out his hugs and kisses to his parents as needed. He asks us daily when he will have a little brother, AND a little sister, AND a baby to play with too. Maybe it's his imagination running wild...but I like to think it's his childlike innocence and ability to sense what's beyond the veil to keep us focused on what's really important in this life. "We May Not Have It All Together but Together We Have It All".



PS-Being irritable, moody, breaking out in acne, retaining water, getting nauseated and vomiting are much more tolerable when you have a baby to show for it. It's not so much fun when it's been coming from Clomid for the past four months! The things we do to bring children into this world...definitely not easy...but so totally worth it.

GO CARDS!!

Dear St. Louis Cardinals,

You won the world series the year that my husband Skylar was born (82). You didn't win again until the year our first child Stetson was born (06)...you obviously need our help in winning this year's title too! We aren't expecting YET but we are working on it and trying to hold up our end of the bargain so PLEASE hold up yours! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

GO CARDINALS!!!

Love,
Your #1 Utah fans!-The Griffin family